:: stop this ride, I wanna get off ::

I don’t have a lot of memories prior to my family moving to Gadsden, but from Gadsden, I have loads of memories.  I was listening to a message this morning that brought back one of those memories.

John Mark and I had a blue Sit & Spin.  If you don’t know what that is, google it.  It was this little toy that sat on the floor, you’d sit around it and spin.  We would play on it for hours.  Rain and shine.  It stayed on our porch and brought us hours of entertainment. (We also put on poor dog on it from time to time.  RIP Scooter.)  Invariably, I would get so dizzy that I would fall off.   Sometimes it would take thirty or forty seconds to re-orient myself.  (In kid time, that’s like AN HOUR!)  But I kept getting on that dumb toy.  For a season, JM and I could fit on it together, but as we got bigger we had to take turns.

What triggered me from the message was reality that I’ve been on Sit & Spin’s my whole life.  I spin around and around and around, and time passes, but I don’t go anywhere.  And now I’m dizzy with nothing to show for it. 

I do this with my prayer life.

I do this with my love life.

I do this with … every. emotion. in. my. repertoire.

And then I get mad because I’m making no progress and I’m sick.

Oh the cost of spinning in circles and not trusting that God is moving FOR me.

I think real, deep, soul-wrecking love from the Father is the kind of love that gets (me) off of the Sit & Spin, stands me up, and holds my hands.  Let’s be real – I cannot and do not want to do anything without my heavenly father. Getting off the Sit & Spin for me means coming back to the promises of God – that HE is faithful, that HE loves me, that I have worth, that I am beautiful, that settling is the last thing HE wants me to do because I’m tired or frustrated or scared, that HE is enough.  Lord, help me also be a conduit to show others that love, even when I can’t see it for myself.  The real miracle in that is knowing that You can use me even and especially when I don’t.

Here’s to getting off this ride, getting my bearings and moving forward. 

Love like this – The Belonging Co.

You don’t leave me where you found.  You pull me up, out of the mess.

You don’t leave me brokenhearted. You never break your promises.

You keep giving second chances far above what I deserve, far above what I deserve

You keep telling me I’m worth it, not a love I have to earn.